Ugh.

Apologies to anyone who came here looking for entertainment. Tonight isn't the night. I'm feeling very down this evening. I'm having one of those weeks where there is just a lot of "yuck" in the world and it's overwhelming. I'm dealing with some issues personally that I'm just not sure how to deal with. I thought I was finished with it but I'm apparently not. I thought I had forgiven someone but I still have weird/angry/frustrated feelings toward them and I really don't know what to do.

Then there's all the other yuckiness that's going on that isn't necessarily directly impacting me but it's impacting people I know, or even people I don't. In the past week I've learned of two little girls, Tatum and Kate, (you can read about them here and here) who are fighting cancer. It's eerie how similar the situations are - how the parents in both situations are expressing the same emotions, how they both know that nothing will ever be the same in their lives again. And one of the moms has said how all she can think sometimes is "come Lord Jesus".

I know we're supposed to want that all the time but sometimes (or most times if I'm honest) I have my own agenda of things I want to do before that time comes. I want to have kids of my own, I want to grow old with my husband, the list goes on...for some reason I can't get it through my thick head that Heaven is like a gazillion times better than this place here...or any place on earth I might ever be. This week though, I'm wishing for it a little more. And then that makes me wonder, am I really ready? Should my "list" include more things like "forgive that person over and over and over and keep on forgiving them until Jesus comes back", "have a better attitude about teaching five 2-4 year old boys on Wed. nights because I may be the only person in their lives that shows them Jesus?", and "give more to others instead of worrying about what/how much I have?". Of course it should, but it's so hard. I'm very selfish (which I'm sure is why I'm still hanging on to that hurt I thought I let go of).

I feel like this doesn't make much sense but I feel SLIGHTLY better having gotten it out. Now I'm going to sign off of here before the lightning zaps the computer.