We Didn't Start the Fire

OK. So maybe we did.

First, a little background. We do not currently own a residence. We are renting a duplex from my aunt and uncle. It’s a really nice place in a really nice neighborhood. They did a lot of work to renovate this place and make it nice - wood floors, new kitchen and bathroom, etc. I’m not saying that to brag, but it’ll become important shortly. Also important to this story - we have been using the dishes that we got as wedding gifts (the ones we picked out for “every day use”) every day, in the microwave, dishwasher, etc. for a year now.

So here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, on a Saturday, we decided to have breakfast for lunch. We put the bacon on a plate in the microwave, just like always. With about 4 seconds left on it, the plate EXPLODED. Scared me half to death. My husband got the remains out of the microwave, put some bacon on a Pyrex plate (which I KNOW is microwave safe), got it started, and then got on the phone to call the place where we got our dishes to see if they were not actually microwave safe like we believed. I had returned to the living room to study and while he was on hold I suddenly hear him say (quite calmly I might add) “Um, we have a fire”. I basically threw the laptop onto the love seat and went running for the kitchen where, sure enough, there were flames in the microwave.

We both stood there for a couple of seconds staring at it wondering what to do. I couldn’t think straight. My first thought was to unplug the microwave, which we did. But then what? There’s bacon grease in there so water isn’t an option and I couldn’t even begin to think what the appropriate course of action would have been in this situation.

Let me just interject here - what follows are not the actions of two rational people with four degrees and two professional certifications between them. It’s common knowledge though that sometimes book smarts don’t necessarily leave room for street smarts, here’s the proof:

At this point, all I can do is stand there and picture my aunt and uncle’s duplex burning to the ground. I literally have the mental picture in my head. So my answer to that problem is to get the microwave out of the house. I asked him if it was hot and if he could carry it. His response was “You get the door”. I bolted down our EXTREMELY steep stairs and opened the doors. As he was carrying the microwave out it started smoking out the sides. We got it out on the driveway and just stood there staring at it. I saw that my aunt was downstairs so I went and knocked on her door. When she answered, I asked if she had a fire extinguisher to which she replied “Uh, no…WHY???” I explained what was going on, she said we needed to smother it - dirt was the closest thing. She tracked down a spade and one spade full of dirt was enough to extinguish it. Of course the microwave (along with the Pyrex plate) was a total loss. As we were standing there surveying the damage, here comes my uncle. After hearing what had happened, all he did was shake his head.

Later that afternoon I was on my way out to do a presentation and when we got onto our back porch there was a fire extinguisher (commercial grade) sitting outside our door. Apparently my oh-so-funny uncle dropped it off and wanted to leave a cookbook as well but he couldn’t find one quickly enough. So that’s the story of how me almost burned down the house.

P.S. As it turns out, there was a miscommunication and our dishes are NOT microwaveable. Something that would have been good to know a year ago. Oh well. We had to go to Wal-Mart to purchase some “every day use” dishes that WERE microwave safe. After all this mess, we get the new ones home and they DIDN’T FIT IN THE DISHWASHER. I didn’t ever even consider that this might be a problem. Apparently our dishwasher is a little on the small side. The old dishes were square, the new are round and apparently there’s enough of a difference in the large dinner plates that they won’t fit so we have to hand wash them.